Almost Lover
by amasianfish
Summary: Santana hurt Brittany's feelings. Before she comes out, no particular time. Not with canon. Oneshot. BRITTANA


**Hey, this is my first attempt at fanfiction. I hope I do it justice. The song used is "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. I don't own Glee. Feel free to review:)**

Almost Lover

Brittany feels as though her chest is being squeezed by a boa constrictor. Her heart is beating so fast, she briefly ponders if she could have a heart attack.

_Maybe… I love her too much._

Brittany glances across the room at the girl who is causing her heart such trauma. She's sitting rigidly in her chair, pretending to file her nails. Only Brittany can see the uncomfort in her eyes, the sadness.

All of the other Glee club members are talking animatedly. Rachel and Finn are mashing their lips together, seemingly have made up from the spat they had minutes previously. Brittany rolls her eyes in disgust. If any of the Glee clubbers could make out that often, everyone's last choice would be Finchel. Why, if she and Santana-

Brittany grimaces. _Don't think about it,_ she reprimands herself. _Not yet._

Mr. Shue enters the room, clapping his hands like a kindergarten teacher.

_ I wish I was in kindergarten,_ Brittany thinks wistfully. _San always braided my hair during naptime._

"Hey guys," Mr. Shue says with his usual enthusiasm. "As you all know, Regionals is fast approaching. This week we're focusing on slow songs, sad or happy, to perform. Rachel, I'm sure you have some prepared-"

"I do-"

"But I'd like it if some of the other members had a chance."

Brittany's heartbeat accelerates even more. _This is it._

She stands up. "I'd like to sing something, if that's okay, Mr. Shue."

Everyone looks at her in surprise.

"Are you sure, Brittany? You're more of a background singer, you know," Rachel says apprehensively.

"Shut it hobbit. Brittany can sing just as well as anyone else here," Santana spits out.

Brittany shoots Santana a grateful look before remembering she's supposed to be mad at her.

"Anyways… I'm gonna do that now. Are you okay, Mr. Shue? You look like Lord Tubbington when he was caught in my parents' wine cellar," Brittany says knowledgably.

Mr. Shuester snaps out of his surprised daze. "Of course, Brittany… Go ahead. You just usually don't sing…" he trails off.

Brittany smiles and walks to the center of the choir room. She takes confident, sure steps, masking any trace of her uneasiness. She breathes in deeply, then motions for Brad to start playing the intro. As the opening notes ring out from the piano, Brittany fixes her gaze on Santana, who's desperately trying to avoid it. Santana recognizes the song, and cringes.

_Oh no… Please, Brittany, no…_

Santana silently pleads with her eyes. Brittany stares into those beautiful orbs, understands what Santana's asking, and gives her a sad smile. She starts singing.

_Your fingertips across my skin,_

_The palm trees swaying in the wind, images_

Brittany closes her eyes and remembers. She remembers the way Santana caressed her face, the way her fingers left searing marks on her pale skin, only visible to herself. The way each kiss left a sensation that made Brittany feel loved.

_You sang me Spanish lullabies,_

_ The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick_

Brittany hears Santana's beautiful voice in her head, singing quietly, "Yo te agarrare tu mano, duermete sin temor. Cuando tu despiertes, yo estare aqui." The Spanish always soothed her, and watching Santana's face as she sang made Brittany happier than anything. She'd morph into a Santana only Brittany knew, a Santana with no anger of bitterness. Just love.

And then her expression would turn somber, as she tried to shake off that feeling she "shouldn't be having" for Brittany. She'd change again. Santana always changes.

Brittany gazes at Santana as she sings the beginning of the chorus.

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy_

_ I thought you'd want the same for me_

Brittany remembers two nights ago, a night of slammed doors and vulnerable emotions and broken hearts.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_ Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_ I'm trying not to think about you_

_ Can't you just let me be_

She lets the tears make their silent way down her cheeks, and watches as Santana stares at her with sadness, and maybe, hopefully, regret.

_So long, my luckless romance_

_ My back is turned on you_

_ Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_ Almost lovers always do_

Brittany shuts her eyes tightly, her hand forming into fists as she shudders from those awful images.

** "Maybe… Maybe we should tell people. About us."**

** "Stop, B… I just want to make out."**

** "But San, it'd mean so much to me-"**

** "I'm not ready to come out!"**

** "San, just to Glee club. Please."**

** "No, Britt! We're in fucking Lima, Ohio. No one's going to accept us. Ever. It's time you got out of your little daydreams and realize that!"**

** "But Santana, they all love us!"**

**"No, Brittany! Just stop! Get your head out of your deluded fantasies about a happily ever after, because it's not gonna happen!"**

_We walked along a crowded street,_

_ You took my hand and danced with me in the shade_

Brittany remembers that joyous day, the day Santana asked her to be her girlfriend. It was perfect. A street parade in an unknown town, and they danced together to the rhythm of their hearts.

_And when you left you kissed my lips_

_ You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no_

That wonderful, amazing kiss, so full of hope and dreams and promises.

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy_

_ I thought you'd want the same for me_

Brittany knows all the Glee club members are staring at her in shock and awe. She has never expressed so much emotion in Glee before, and they didn't know she was capable of all these feelings without conveying them through dance.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_ Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_ I'm trying not to think about you_

_ Can't you just let me be_

Brittany remembers all the texts Santana sent her, all the 'I'm sorry's' and 'I love you's.' She forced herself to ignore them, even though her chest screamed at her to forgive the love of her life.

_So long, my luckless romance_

_ My back is turned on you_

_ Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_ Almost lovers always do_

Santana's expression is heartbreaking. She simply stares, her face full of conflicting emotions. Sorrow, remorse, fear, awe, admiration. Love.

_ I cannot go to the ocean_

_ I cannot try the streets at night_

_ I cannot wake up in the morning_

_ Without you on my mind_

Brittany's breath hitches as her mind reels with all these memories. Santana taking her to the beach for the first time and kissing her sea-stained lips. Countless walks in the darkness of night even if it was freezing outside and all they wore were their Cheerios uniforms. Sleepovers of hushed whispers and stupid, cheesy romantic comedies that left Brittany wishing she could have such a happy ending. And the best part was waking up beside her favorite person in the whole world, Santana Lopez. She can't stop thinking of the Latina; no matter how hard she tries, that brown-eyed beauty finds ways to sneak into the most vulnerable parts of her mind, into her heart.

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_ And I bet you are just fine_

_ Did I make it that easy_

_ To walk right in and out of my life_

Santana gapes at Brittany, her brain overloaded. Everyone is staring at her, but the only person who matters is the one singing these sad, painful words.

Brittany's voice softens as she reaches the last chorus.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_ Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_ I'm trying not to think about you_

_ Why can't you just let me be_

Brittany has the picture of Santana's angry and reproachful eyes stuck in her head. She has the sound of the door slamming and shaking the house on repeat. She has the icy sting of her tears burning her face.

_So long, my luckless romance_

_ My back is turned on you_

_ Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_ Almost lovers always do_

The final note of the song stays in the air for what seems like forever. Brittany and Santana seem suspended in time, having eyes only for each other. Both of their visions are blurred with tears, leaving tracks down their faces.

Scattered applause bounces around the room. Mercedes, Kurt, and Artie exchange looks of astonishment. Rachel's mouth is almost comical in how wide it opened throughout the performance. Finn just looks confused, and Mike and Tina share a meaningful glance. Puck just sits there.

"Damn," he mutters.

Quinn shoots him a venomous look and asks hesitantly, "Are… are you okay, Brittany?"

Brittany merely stands in the middle of the choir room, and then runs out to the parking lot. Everyone pointedly looks at Santana, who's still fixed in her seat. She snaps out of her fragmented thoughts and chases after Brittany.

She catches up with her just as she reaches her car. Santana gasps for air.

"Brittany! I'm- I'm so _sorry!_" I was so _dumb_ when I yelled at you, I really was. B, you know I love you, and I'd do anything to have you back. Please."

Brittany turns and looks at her, pain evident on her face.

"You hurt me, Santana! I just wanted to tell our friends! And you got all mad and made me feel _terrible._"

"Well, our friends know now," Santana mutters.

Brittany gives her a disgusted look and moves to unlock her car.

"I'm sorry, B! I'm so so sorry. I'm just so _scared._ I'm scared of what the school is going to think, the jocks, my family… Everyone."

Santana grabs Brittany's arms, holding them tight.

"I love you, Britt. I love you more than anyone, and I was so stupid to put my reputation before you. Please, baby. Please forgive me. I'll… I'll even tell them."

Brittany watches her, and motions for her to continue. Santana takes a deep breath.

"Yes, Britt, I'll tell Glee club. I'll tell them that whenever I'm with you, my heart feels as though it could fucking explode with joy. I'll tell them you're beautiful and the way you make me feel. I'll tell them I asked you out two months ago, and when you said yes I felt the happiest I ever have in my whole life. I'll even tell them that when I got home, I did a little victory dance in my room. I'll tell them you're my girlfriend, and I don't ever want to lose you. I'll tell them I've loved you since we were ten, and because I was a pussy I was I was frightened to come out and pushed you away and became a different person. I'll tell them that my dumbass moves almost cost us our relationship. But Brittany, I swear to God I'll do anything I can to make us better again. I'll never stop loving you, Brittany. Never."

Santana gulps, waiting for Brittany's response.

"…You promise, Santana?"

"I promise."

Time is frozen, and then Brittany forces Santana into a hug. She squeezes tight, and kisses her, her tears mingled in with an air of pride.

"I love you too, San."


End file.
